Shootin’ the Breeze
is the perfect woman? Is there such a critter? Is there a
perfect man? These are questions that have confounded
humanity throughout the ages. The search for the answers
even continues after marriage and has caused more divorces
and bought more swimming pools and Cadillac's for attorneys
than any class action lawsuit! We all seem to think the
grass is greener, that is until we start mowing that OTHER
help make it simple for you guys out there, this month I've
decided to throw a 'lil quiz at the ladies. Maybe sometime
down the road we'll do one about the perfect man, but to
tell ya the truth, we'd probably just lie our way thru it
anyway, being the dogs that we are. So, c'mon girls. Get a
pencil and see what yer made of. Circle one only. See how ya
stack up at the end.
1. You pull into a campsite with yer old
man. The first thing you do after getting off the bike
A. Pitch the tent and gather firewood.
B. Complain how yer ass hurts as you brush out your
hair and reapply your makeup.
C. Reach into the saddlebags and have an ice cold beer.
2. The bike you are riding on with your old
man gets a flat. The two of you ride it to a wobbly stop and
notice you've stopped in front of a bar. You:
A. Walk a mile down the road to get some fix a flat
while your partner guards the bike.
B. Bitch at him about the tires being so damned
C. Walk into the bar and get an ice cold beer.
The two of you've both been out partyin' all night. When ya
come home you:
A. Make him his favorite breakfast
then go wash and wax the bike.
B. Head for the john, lock the
door and pass out on the floor while he's putting the bike
C. Before ya crash ya have another
ice cold beer.
Yer both eating in a very expensive fancy restaurant. He
realizes he forgot his wallet. You have some money you've
been saving up for whatever reason. You:
A. Give him yer money very
discreetly so ya won't embarass him.
B. Scream, "MY GOD! YA MEAN
WE CAN'T PAY FOR THIS?"
C. Finish yer meal then order
another ice cold beer.
The bike just won't start. A crowd gathers outside the bar
as he fiddles with it and it JUST WON'T START! You:
A. Be patient and assure him he'll
get it as you rub his back.
B. Let everyone who's watching
know he's a dork and bitch about how it's always breaking
C. Wait inside the bar and have an
ice cold beer.
If ya answered "A" to
most of 'em, congratulations to the man who gets ya. If yer
still single my phone is 330-872-1198, I LOVE women and I'm
a hell of a nice guy.
If ya answered "B" to most of 'em, we probably
used to be married and I'm glad I'm done payin' ya all those
hard earned bucks, you witch.
If ya answered "C" to most of 'em, you probably
don't give a damn about the results, so just go to the
fridge and get another ICE COLD BEER.
See ya next month,
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You're in a rowdy bar with yer old man and some big dude
gets touchy feely with ya. Yer old man and him start getting
into it. You:
A. Smack the other dude on the
head with a cue stick.
B. Smack yer old man on the head
with a cue stick 'cause ya like the other dude better.
C. Ask the barkeep for an ice cold
4. Yer old man comes home from riding and
he's tired. The lawn needs mowed and the garbage needs
taking out. You:
A. Tell him to rest while you do
B. Phone his mother and tell her
what a lazy slob the ugly old bitch hatched.
C. Say, "To hell with
it!" and get yerself an ice cold beer.
5. Money is tight. The bills are behind and
the old man is always partyin' with his bro's. You:
A. Get a bartending job and give
him and his bro's free drinks.
B. Spend all that's left of the
money before he does.
C. Tell yerself, "Money means
nothing." and have an ice cold beer.
6. The two of you are packing for a long
road trip. You:
A. Take as little stuff as
possible for yerself to leave room for tools and such.
B. Fill the bags up with makeup
and stupid shit.
C. Make sure there's room for ice
Ya find out yer old man has been runnin' around on ya with
yer best girlfriend. You:
A. Forgive him and try harder to
make the relationship work.
B. Re-adjust yer sexuality and
steal the woman from him.
C. Tell yerself he's not worth
thinkin' about and get yerself an ice cold beer.